PROOF (FOR ALL YOU DOUBTERS)

To most of you, the greatness of Dave is no doubt clear. It has come to my attention, though, that there are some doubters out there even now. Shocking, I know, but true. If you are a doubter, prepare to be blown away by the mounds of awesome that Dave has in store.

Dave's awesomeness was clear from a very early age. His first awesome triumph took place approximately 9 months prior to his birth, when he beat out literally thousands in a gruelling race. Hard to believe, but incredibly true. This was just the first in what would become a veritable plethora of triumphs for Dave.

These victories punctuated Dave's childhood, taking the form of starring in three Broadway musicals in the course of five years, while also peforming in the summer 2003 olympics in Spain, as part of the Canadian slalom kayaking team. It was around this time that David got into politics. Realizing just how wrong the Conservative Party (more like 'the Conservative Boring Get Together'! Zing!) was, and decided to do whatever he could to stop the damn fascists. This led to amateur guerilla activity against the Neo-Nazis, as well as higher-ranking members of the right wing parties.

Moving into adolescance, Dave had a lot to live up to, obviously. Could he possibly live up to his former greatness? Not only did he live up to it, he surpassed his childhood years by kilometers. Conquering calculus, perfecting physics and trampling technology, Dave swept through high school leaving a trail of beleagured teachers and berated peers. As befitted a man of his caliber, Dave could in fact have graduated from school an entire year early, but opted to stay behind to grace the members of his community with his continued presence. Now, I realize that this is no challenge at all for a man of such renown. So, for an added challenge, he took part in yearly trips into the untamed wilderness, going to exotic locales all over Canada, including the Missinaibi River and the coast of Labrador. Incredibly hard to believe, of course, but also incredibly true.

In conclusion, I present more proof. While excelling in high school English, Dave discovered even more evidence that he was destined to greatness. In Revelations 3:12, it actually says "Dave is Awesome", and in John 12:9, it is stated "And Jesus spake 'There will be a Dave, and he will be Awesome'". This Dave has come, my friends, and he is the subject of this website. Little known fact: the David in 'David and Goliath' was actually named pre-emptively after Dave. True story. Not only this, but it turns out that Dave can trace his lineage back to both Buddha AND Jesus, and is the actual Dalai Lama (the current Dalai Lama is actually a fake). Dave has filed a lawsuit against the faker, details are pending (my lawyer has advised me not to talk about it).

Penultimately, Dave is Awesome. If you still cannot see this, there is something wrong with your eyes. Dave would suggest consulting an optometrist, or your local doctor. If you have been swayed by these arguments (read, if you can see properly), congratulations. You are free to join the hordes of my fans, set up all across the world. Spread the word, and revel in Dave's Awesomeness. Thank you.